You need a man cave. It may not be the classic basement chill room with leather couches, lava lamps, bar and fridge, pool table, some weights, and gigantic TV. But pick a spot and make it your own. And pleasantly request from your lover and family, that the space is yours. Don't touch anything.
Maybe your man cave is a home office. With your table/desk, your computer, and books and papers all over the place. Maybe there's an old sandwich and beer under a pile of clothes. But that's okay.
It's your room. It's a place to get quiet, pray, meditate, and relax.
Manspace can have inside it some expression of who you are. Manspace can be about establishing your identity as a man. Any guy who has a interest, hobby or work is going to want some space to indulge that. Check out how to make your own manspace.
It's your cave. Your space. Your sanctuary. It's a mess? Sure. And everybody better be okay with that. Once in a while, I'll clean my man cave. It's a place where I paint, work on my computer, and listen to music. Loudly.
Compared with the rest of the house, my space is a bit of a mess, but it's organized the way I like it. And my wife's cool with that. My three daughters too. And I'm grateful for that. I'm thankful that my wife and kids have set aside a place where I can read, paint, think big thoughts, do whatever I want, maybe nothing.
Here's the point: I need a spot in my house to call my own. My man cave. And I recommend this fact for you. Wives need their husbands to have a man cave just as much as men need to have one.
You may be interested in reading about making a list for her to see.
Chopping wood (even if it's just making kindling) for your fireplace is a masculine, manly thing. Yes. Manly.
What do you see in this picture?
Chopping wood in the winter is not every man's thing. It sure is mine.
Each of us, men and women, has both masculine and feminine qualities. Femininity and masculinity do not identify gender. Some people are more masculine (typically biologically male in my experience). Some are more feminine (typically biologically women). And some of us are in the middle. I would say that most of us (I guess 85% of all men and women) are either more masculine or more feminine. And here's the beauty of relationships: it seems we tend to attract our sexual opposite (our masculine or feminine opposite). And this attractive force is just like a magnet, flowing between the two opposite poles. It's the juice in a healthy, active, positive relationship.
Many men have strong stereotypical feminine qualities: we can wear jewelry; we have long wavy hair; we write poetry; we sing and dance; we express love; we cry; we nurture. Many women have stereotypical masculine qualities: women can be aggressive; women fight in the military; women play sports; women are powerful CEOs and political leaders. This to me seems true.
However, if someone wants real passion in their relationship, I think there seems to be requirement for a strong "masculine" and a strong "feminine" presence, a ravisher and a ravishee, and aggressor and aggressee, outgoing and a quiet nature, a giver and a receiver. Opposites. I'm not talking just about sex. I'm talking about life and living with someone in all of its ways.
The adage of opposites attract seems true to me. An opposing attractive force in modern relationships often dies, because people think that relationships are built upon an equal 50/50, politically correct type of sameness. And that does not seems to be accurate. Sameness doesn't seem to work well in my experience. Sameness is a uniform monotonous life without variety. Neutrality, equal respect and fair treatment is expected in the workplace, but in a relationship, it seems that a vibrant, healthy, long-standing relationship needs the sexual attractive force between masculine and feminine opposites. Otherwise, the juice dries up.
THE THRILL IS GONE
We have made great progress in economic, political, and social equality between men and women, but it has resulted in a lot of sexually-neutral relationships. The love is there, but the sexual polarity is faded. Not just in moments of sexual intimacy, but the entire relationship seems dry. I've met with many married couples (opposite sex and same sex), and I see that the passion for each other and with each other is gone. The Thrill Is Gone
Good, strong, healthy attraction is based upon sexual opposites. In your relationship with your woman, your lover, you want to keep this dynamic alive and abundant. If you want real passion, you need opposites - energetic polarity, an attractive difference between the masculine and feminine. Without that, we just have two friendly people touching each other here and there.
If you enjoyed reading that, you may want to check out "What Does It Take to Be a King?"
Petruchio is the male romantic character in Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. Petruchio is a fortune seeker who enters into a marriage with a strong-willed young woman named Kate and then proceeds to "tame" her temperamental spirit. Petruchio's methods and Kate's fifth act soliloquy are controversial for many men and women.
Petruchio is strong, rough and unyielding. He looks for a wife in haste and finds Kate. Kate is beautiful and young, but a shrew. She's sharp-tongued and defiant. But Petruchio stands firm and approaches Kate with kindness. With each of Petruchio's attempt at getting closer, Kate snaps back at him. But he ignore it and calls her "sweet Kate, gentle Kate." And finally he wins her. And they get married.
Petruchio proposes to his friends a contest to see which man has the most obedient wife: All three will call for their wives to see which one responds. Of the three women, only Kate comes, and Petruchio is the winner. Petruchio then orders Kate to bring the other wives and give a speech telling them to honor their husbands always.
Most people today would oppose Petruchio's behavior toward Kate, particularly how he expresses his "possession" of her. The story, however, does bring out something special in Kate. Petruchio's firmness and masculine determination, combined with his kindness and love for Kate, brings these two characters together in love, joy and matrimony.
In the final scene, Kate defends her man's position as the leader, guide and provider.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou li'st warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience--
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
Whey they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms,
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown.
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.
It's up to two people in any relationship by deliberate decision and proper arrangement how to live together. Marriages are successful because each partner fully understands and embraces the role and responsibilities of that role in the relationship. Nothing, nothing, ever just works out on its own. It takes a conscious, thoughtful discussion about expectations and responsibilities that are often not clearly defined in a marriage relationship.
Marriages fail for three reasons: sex, money, and communication. If you're both rich and having lots of sex, great! Your marriage won't last 2 years. You have to communicate. I find that husbands in long-term successful, loving relationships have done the hard work of talking things through and being clear on what they're responsible for and what their wives expect of them. The specifics are up to the couple. For me, my wife and I fully understood that I was to be the leader, provider, and protector. And that understanding, deliberate decision, and proper arrangement has worked very well for us. See you in 40 years. :)
You may be interested in reading about how to strengthen our relationships.
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