You need a man cave. It may not be the classic basement chill room with leather couches, lava lamps, bar and fridge, pool table, some weights, and gigantic TV. But pick a spot and make it your own. And pleasantly request from your lover and family, that the space is yours. Don't touch anything.
Maybe your man cave is a home office. With your table/desk, your computer, and books and papers all over the place. Maybe there's an old sandwich and beer under a pile of clothes. But that's okay. It's your room. It's a place to get quiet, pray, meditate, and relax. Manspace can have inside it some expression of who you are. Manspace can be about establishing your identity as a man. Any guy who has a interest, hobby or work is going to want some space to indulge that. Check out how to make your own manspace. It's your cave. Your space. Your sanctuary. It's a mess? Sure. And everybody better be okay with that. Once in a while, I'll clean my man cave. It's a place where I paint, work on my computer, and listen to music. Loudly. Compared with the rest of the house, my space is a bit of a mess, but it's organized the way I like it. And my wife's cool with that. My three daughters too. And I'm grateful for that. I'm thankful that my wife and kids have set aside a place where I can read, paint, think big thoughts, do whatever I want, maybe nothing. Here's the point: I need a spot in my house to call my own. My man cave. And I recommend this fact for you. Wives need their husbands to have a man cave just as much as men need to have one. You may be interested in reading about making a list for her to see. Chopping wood (even if it's just making kindling) for your fireplace is a masculine, manly thing. Yes. Manly. What do you see in this picture? Answer:
Chopping wood in the winter is not every man's thing. It sure is mine. Each of us, men and women, has both masculine and feminine qualities. Femininity and masculinity do not identify gender. Some people are more masculine (typically biologically male in my experience). Some are more feminine (typically biologically women). And some of us are in the middle. I would say that most of us (I guess 85% of all men and women) are either more masculine or more feminine. And here's the beauty of relationships: it seems we tend to attract our sexual opposite (our masculine or feminine opposite). And this attractive force is just like a magnet, flowing between the two opposite poles. It's the juice in a healthy, active, positive relationship.
Many men have strong stereotypical feminine qualities: we can wear jewelry; we have long wavy hair; we write poetry; we sing and dance; we express love; we cry; we nurture. Many women have stereotypical masculine qualities: women can be aggressive; women fight in the military; women play sports; women are powerful CEOs and political leaders. This to me seems true. However, if someone wants real passion in their relationship, I think there seems to be requirement for a strong "masculine" and a strong "feminine" presence, a ravisher and a ravishee, and aggressor and aggressee, outgoing and a quiet nature, a giver and a receiver. Opposites. I'm not talking just about sex. I'm talking about life and living with someone in all of its ways. SAMENESS The adage of opposites attract seems true to me. An opposing attractive force in modern relationships often dies, because people think that relationships are built upon an equal 50/50, politically correct type of sameness. And that does not seems to be accurate. Sameness doesn't seem to work well in my experience. Sameness is a uniform monotonous life without variety. Neutrality, equal respect and fair treatment is expected in the workplace, but in a relationship, it seems that a vibrant, healthy, long-standing relationship needs the sexual attractive force between masculine and feminine opposites. Otherwise, the juice dries up. THE THRILL IS GONE We have made great progress in economic, political, and social equality between men and women, but it has resulted in a lot of sexually-neutral relationships. The love is there, but the sexual polarity is faded. Not just in moments of sexual intimacy, but the entire relationship seems dry. I've met with many married couples (opposite sex and same sex), and I see that the passion for each other and with each other is gone. The Thrill Is Gone SUMMARY Good, strong, healthy attraction is based upon sexual opposites. In your relationship with your woman, your lover, you want to keep this dynamic alive and abundant. If you want real passion, you need opposites - energetic polarity, an attractive difference between the masculine and feminine. Without that, we just have two friendly people touching each other here and there. If you enjoyed reading that, you may want to check out "What Does It Take to Be a King?" |
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December 2021
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