Leadership can be difficult. The following are 12 principles for a man to study and apply in order to effectively lead women and children, particularly in his family. Let's go through them one by one, starting with taking charge and putting your house in order.
1. Take charge. If you're going to be a leader, you'd better assume the role. Take the reins and keep them. Take responsibility for being the leader, making the big decisions, directing the family's future, delegating authority, and dividing responsibility. Being a leader should not be taken lightly. It's serious business. And women must understand the magnitude of this calling. In any marriage, there is a deliberate decision and a proper arrangement. Not all men in a partnership or marriage act as a leader. That's okay by me. As long as a decision has been made and agreed to by both involved in the relationship. What works for you is likely similar, but not the same, to what works for other relationships and marriages. The arrangement that a couple creates for themselves must be a proper one, as defined by the couple and no one else.
One obligation of a wife is to respect her husband and his position, honor his word and act upon his instructions. This can be extremely difficult for her, particularly when you make a mistake. And you will undoubtedly make several. But this principle of leadership is a true one, and should be taught to both sons and daughters so that they might understand. Both sons and daughters must prepare themselves as leaders and learn to respect a leadership role. I find that many men, who have not fully matured, could benefit greatly from their wives to encourage leadership in their men. As a mature man, you must establish yourself as the leader, if this is your role that your spouse and you have agreed to in a proper arrangement and deliberate decision.
2. Teach. As a guide for the family, you must teach your family the principles that they are to live by. They must learn the standards and ideals that will guide them throughout their lives. Sit with your children, walk with them, and talk with them. A mature man can realize the brief moments in life that present themselves as opportunities to teach others, particularly your wife, your children, and your friends. One way to do this for your family is to actually schedule a family meeting or some time of gathering at least once a week. At that time, you will teach, ask questions, and listen. You probably already understand that your family is already receiving powerful teachings about life. They're receiving them from the Internet, TV, school, and friends. But don't let your children try to develop their value system on their own. Make sure that you, and you alone, are the teacher. Bring the family together. Invite your friends over. Visit other families. Meet the guys for a beer every month. And be a teacher. Teach the way of life as you know it. The world needs men like you. Teach.
3. Direct. Give your family a sense of direction. Give them something to picture in their minds, a goal, something to look forward to, something to hold on to. When your family is experiencing times of trouble or unrest or uncertainty, tell them that everything is going to be alright. Reassure your family that you've thought of the future, and the plans you've conceived are good.
You are the captain of the ship. Every captain has an idea of where the ship is going. Do you? Chart the course. Plan ahead. Even if there is troubled waters ahead, communicate to your family that you're in charge, and you know what to do and where to go. When you share your plans, speak in generalizations. Don't be specific. It's your job to work out the details, not everyone else. Emphasize trust, confidence and security. Bring a sense of direction.
4. Be confident. Good leaders are confident. A leader walks uprightly, circumspectly, and in balance. A leader believes fully in himself as a leader. You're confident when you trust in God and you are walking in the Spirit and with love. It has been written that you have not been given the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. Therefore, be confident.
You should speak with a strong, bold voice. Watch your words; they reflect your thoughts. Do not communicate doubts and fears, especially to your children. And in times when fear is nigh, act as if you're fearless for the sake of your family.
If you struggle with financial difficulties, protect your wife and children from your anxieties. Be anxious for nothing. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (or definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your needs and wants known to God.
Share everything with your wife, so that you can benefit from her valuable counsel, comfort and confidence. But don't place specific burdens upon her. You've been given a great responsibility as a leader. If you need help, seek it. Ask for it. Believe in yourself. Trust in God. And you shall live with confidence.
5. Seek knowledge. You may be confident, but you don't know everything. There's always opportunities to be humble. It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom; therefore, seek. Seek the abundance of counselors. The advice of others is often very useful. After you have gained knowledge and advice, pray, contemplate, think, meditate, and consider your own thoughts and feelings. Make your own judgment. You may be inspired, or in spirit, and being guided in a certain direction. Listen to that. You must eventually listen to your thoughts and feelings, make a decision, and act on what you know.
6. Consult with your wife. It is wise to consult with your wife. As your most loyal confidant, she deserves to be consulted and can serve in making wise decisions. She has a perspective that no one else in your life has. Women have incredible insight. And admit it, she's just smarter than you. Voltaire said that all the reasoning of men is not worth one sentiment of woman. Women can be fountains of wisdom. The best decision is to meeting with your wife and discuss everything of the present matter, in order to come to alignment and harmony with each other. You should be on the same page with each other.
7. Be decisive. Make a decision. There are many decisions to be made. Some are small, common day-to-day decisions. Some are very important. But all must be faced in one way or another. Gather facts, draw a conclusion, and come to firm decision. Postponing a tough decision just creates anxiety.
8. Allow for mistakes. I'm referring to errors in judgement; I'm NOT talking about terrible, sinful actions such as adultery. In relation to making mistakes, not every decision you make will be the right one. Everyone makes mistakes. Not all of your decisions will be wise. But that's okay. You must allow for mistakes and not worry about the consequences.
As for your woman, she will likely be very understanding. She should not be looking for perfection in your thoughts and actions. She should be less concerned as to the outcome, and instead be bless about your decisiveness and leadership.
When men make mistakes, women tend to be very understanding and will sympathize rather than criticize. A great woman will admire a man for his courage to take risks, make tough decisions, and act upon his beliefs. Expect your woman to admire your confidence and courage.
9. Ask for support. Ask your wife for support. Explain to her your point of view. Tell her that you need her support, you value her perspective and opinion. Explain how you believe that you must follow your convictions if you are to lead. Communicate how invaluable her support is to you, and how vital it is for both of you to be in alignment and harmony.
Do not argue. Do not yell. Do not insist. But do take command as a leader. Don't pressure her. Don't ridicule. Ask for support. Win her support. And if it turns out that your plan fails to materialize, your wife, regardless of whether she agreed fully with you or not, did give approval and support to your decision, and therefore, you're not alone and she has no reason to criticize your mistake. Two are better than one.
10. Be consistent. We are what we repeatedly do. And what we repeatedly do are called habits. We want to build good habits in our lives. A mastery of a skill, being a great leader, an awesome dad, a loving husband -- all these require good habits, a set of repeated tasks. Things we do over and over.
How do we stay consistent? First, start with your thinking. In your mind is the battle ground. Keep thinking about your goal, and how your keep with your repeated tasks.
Second, think only of the present moment when trying to stay consistent. Don't think of next week, next month, and forever. Think of being disciplined and consistent right now, in the present moment.
Third, make a plan. Planning is the foundation for consistency. For example, you can plan your kids meals, plan your dates with your woman, plan to send sexy messages to your lover every Friday. Planning helps with being consistent, without even thinking. Children love to see, feel and experience established, repeated patterns in their day-to-day lives. Provide that for them.
11. Listen. Listen to your woman. Listen to your wife, especially your wife. Listen to your family. Listen to your friends.
Carefully consider other viewpoints. It's your obligation to listen, even to unsolicited voices. Those you lead have a right to be heard, to have a voice. Stop what you're doing, look eye-to-eye, listen carefully, be understanding, make comments to communicate that you are indeed listening, ask questions for details and to continue the conversation. And in the end, express your desire to think about it, maybe even sleep on it, so that you can give your full consideration to the matter. Never belittle other people's ideas or regard them an unimportant. Show respect for another's opinion, even if it differs from your own.
12. Pray. Prayer is a powerful force. It can move a mountain. Maybe you call it meditation, focused thinking, or mantra. Does it really matter what you call it. Prayer is really about believing.
For me, prayer gets a mind in alignment and harmony with that energy or source that has created you. I call it God, my Creator. If you seek God in prayer, naming specific needs, and place your trust in Him, He will answer you.
It's a universal truth. When you pray, or focus your thinking, whatever you ask in prayer, you shall receive it. When you pray, you actually should believe that you already have received it, being thankful for it. You will find that believer share that common practice. Believers pray and believe for things that have yet to receive. They are particularly thankful, just as if they have already received it and are holding it in their hands. Believing is the assurance of the things we hope for, being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality.
Have no doubt. Create a harmonious connection with God, the universe, Spirit, your source. Believing equals receiving.
When you pray, you are believing that your desire has already been fulfilled or accomplished. It's knowing that it's already here. Remove all doubt so that you create a harmonious thought that's aligned with God.
When you know that praying is true, when you consistently pray and believe, beyond any doubt, it will be realized in your life. This is the power of prayer, the power of believing, at work.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer. And be thankful. Let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. This is confidence.
Remember to refresh yourself. Pray, mediate, reflect, and retreat. Don't get lost in yourself. Don't get caught up in the details. Keep to your path. In the end, your life will amount to only how close you came to realizing your deepest truth (whatever that may be). Don't let your daily tasks, your work, the mundane things you do to fill your day, become the most important thing you focus on. Men do that. They focus.
Be careful what you focus on.
Have you ever been totally focused on something your doing? And you don't want to be disturbed. The kids or the wife come by and ask you questions. Augh! What do they want?! Can't they see that you're working? That you're focused?
This focus is a strength that men have. And it can be your greatest weakness. It's great to focus. Focus on the game, on your work, on getting the job done. But what if you forget your real goal, your real goal in your life, your purpose, your deepest gift you can give to the world. What if what you're focused on is... off? Off the mark.
Now, you're f'd.
If you die right now... Don't! But if you die right now, what would your last feeling or thought be? Are you focused on the right stuff? Are you thinking and doing what you want to, or what you ought to be doing? Are you serving? Are you loving others? Are you enjoying the freedom that comes from living as your true self? Is your heart open wide? Is peace in your heart?
Or, are you absorbed in some dumb task? A task that really doesn't mean crap. Busy. Busy with work and projects that you have no real deep feeling for. You don't really love it. The task of the day is actually draining you. And you really don't care for it. And yet, here you are. Focused. Head down. Don't want to be disturbed. Committed.
For what? Nothing. Nothing.
Wake up! Ask yourself if you're taking care of yourself. Are you focused on things that actually, actually, matter? Interrupt your day. Stop everything. If you're sitting, stand up. Shake it off. Turn on your computer's camera, and see if you're having a good time.
Turn to someone, and ask them about their day. Ask them if you can be of some help. Do something to break your task, and focus on what's really important in life (and that's the big question. Eh?)
Pray. Meditate. Relax. Listen to yourself breathe. Get quiet and deep. Contemplate the mystery of your existence. Find God. Feel the universal energy that surrounds us all. Don't lose perspective and begin to think that your life is a list of things to do today -- tasks. You're better than that. You're much bigger than that. You're mature, superior. You're a king.
You're an amazing miracle of creation.
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As a reminder, a top note is the scent that you smell right away when you spray the cologne. The top note grabs your attention, and then evaporate after a while. Then you smell the middle notes, which is the heart of the fragrance. This is what you will smell after the top notes go away. Middle notes may stay around for 30 minutes. And the base notes of a fragrance comes next. Base notes are rich and deep in aroma. Base notes are the root of the fragrance, and it stays with you for the longest time.
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