A man will have an affair for two reasons: to escape and to feel young. They have an affair to escape the reality of their marriage. And, they have an affair to feel young again. Essentially, they are in search for some type of meaning to their lives outside of their marriage.
It's not always all about sex. Men are emotional beings. They want to be appreciated. They want to feel desired and loved. They want to be the most important thing in their woman's life. They want to feel like their first. Some men cheat also to sexually experience different things; they are not satisfied at home. And some men with power and influence simply attract more opportunities to be tempted.
So, how does this happen?
It usually begins with indifference. Things are not the same. She's just different. We've grown separately. We just see things differently. We no longer do things together. Or, you may have no explanation. Things are just different.
Your marriage is boring. Conversations are no longer fun, but difficult. Good times are few and far between. You had more fun when you were both younger. The thrill is gone. You're distant. No one loves a ball buster either. Fighting, arguing, and criticism can all add to the discontentment in a marriage that sets the guy off to seek another lover.
If you stop loving each other, if you stop having sex often, then a lot of frustration can begin to grow and fester. Particularly for a man, this frustration may seem excessive and overly burdensome. A man without a good sexual relationship with his lover is a man who's open to temptation.
Whatever the relationship dynamic though, there's no good excuse for a man to open himself up to temptation. And it may start with a smile. Her smile. Then later, the man starts to find reasons to bump into her and spend more and more time with her. Maybe during work, at the office, and maybe after work. The other woman seems to always be nice, smiling, and dressed sexy. And her legs. And she's young. And she enjoys things that he does and says. And the man starts thinking that maybe she'd like to get a drink, coffee or something else. And then, the innocent gesture starts to get a little tricky and sticky. Lines start to get blurred. The man looks forward to seeing her and meeting with her at other places. And he starts to maneuver away from his wife and friends when he's trying meet up with her again. "What's the harm?" he asks himself. "We're just talking." And the man allows himself to see how far this can go, before something really bad happens.
And that's the hook.
Spending time with another woman will certainly bring about some emotional strings. She'll seem genuinely concerned with his well-being and understanding of his situation and needs. This woman starts to move up in line, and the wife starts to take second place.
The red light is flashing, but he's wearing dark sunglasses.
It's simple. The man is tired of fighting and arguing at home, and with the other woman there is no disturbance. Now, this can go two ways. Good or bad. And, he thinks, "It's no big deal. I can handle this." He's starts to rationalize things with himself in his own mind. Can he handle this major decision?
No. He can't.
He's lying to himself, and, thereby, the enemy has won. The adversary has come in with stealth and won over the conversation taking place in the tempted man's head. Most men don't even realize what's really going on. It's a spiritual attack. And he's lost.
Proverbs 7:21-23 makes it very clear, "With much justifying and enticing argument she persuades him. With the allurements of her lips, she leads him to overcome his conscience and his fears and forces him along. Suddenly he yields and follows her reluctantly, like an ox moving to the slaughter, like one in fetters going to the correction to be given to a fool, or like a dog enticed by food to the muzzle, until a dart of passion pierces and inflames his vitals. Then, like a bird fluttering straight into the net, he hastens, not knowing that it will cost him his life." Yep.
Now, there's nothing wrong with a man desiring happiness and sexual fulfillment, but when he breaks his commitment to both wife and child, terrible things happen. When a man no longer is faithful to his wife, he's no longer faithful to God. God rewards the faithful who believe that He can provide and do more that we can ever ask or think.
If the man is miserable in his marriage now, wait until he cheats on his woman. When a man leaves his wife for another woman, he breaks God's commandment. He's no longer walking in light (John 12:35). He's no longer protected. It's written in 1 John 5:18 that we know absolutely that anyone born of God does not deliberately and knowingly practice committing sin, but the One Who was begotten of God carefully watches over and protects him [Christ’s divine presence within him preserves him against the evil], and the wicked one does not lay hold, does not get a grip on him, or even touch him.
The hook of adultery is that the grass is greener, that the other woman is more wonderful, and life will be better. The truth is: There's no "other" woman in the entire world who could completely fulfill a married man's needs. The problem with adultery is this: when a man leave his wife for another woman, he takes himself along for the ride. And he's the biggest problem. He's starting this "other" relationship with a crap-load of his same bad personalities and weaknesses.
If you can't work it out with your current wife, what makes you think you can do better somewhere else? If you don't like what's cooking in your kitchen, change the ingredients!
So, what can this man do?
Change. The man who's tempted must stay on the right course, remain faithful in that challenging marriage, and God shall reward him. If he's involved, he's got to stop it. Immediately. Severely. And turn to a confidant, like another married man in his tight circle of friends. And seek guidance and direction from someone trusted. Then, go to work on finding and nourishing the love he still has for your wife.
You may be interested in reading "A Woman's Basic Role" in The King's Guide and also reading "The Top 3 Keys in Marriage" from The Queen's Guide.
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Tips for Men to Be Better Men, Wonderful Husbands, and Loving Fathers